A Hobbit's Tale

So one thing you may or may not know about me is that I love The Hobbit. It's one of my all-time favorite books by one of my favorite authors, J.R.R. Tolkien. With the movies coming out, there has been a plethora of Hobbit merchandise to come out; almost all of which I adore and want. Since I am a teacher and encourage my students to read often and read well, some of them know that I love The Hobbit. One such student was kind and thoughtful enough to give me several Hobbit-related gifts this Christmas.

Among the things this student gave to me was a Hobbit-themed journal. I was especially excited about this! I've attached a collage so you can see how awesome it is...

Yeah, it rocks. 

So in addition to all of the Hobbit paraphernalia, I am also re-reading The Hobbit for the fourth or fifth time. In reading it again, I began to identify pretty quickly with Bilbo and how he feels. It WOULD be rather uncomfortable to have a bunch of unannounced strangers in your house, all of which expect you to feed them and find them a place to meet and sleep. And to have them assume you are a burglar! The audacity! 

And similarly to Bilbo, I am attempting to embark upon an adventure for the year. 

Over the past year, I have realized just how unhappy I truly am with my life. Nothing on the outside, mind you. I love my family and friends and pets. I love my husband dearly. I also love my job. But I have had health issues for the past several years that have (hopefully) been resolved this past summer. I am feeling better, but not feeling as well as I think I should be.  

I am on an adventure to find JOY this year. And in that adventure, I plan to encounter many things that will cause me to be uncomfortable and unsettled. In fact, Bilbo said it best when he said, "We are plain quiet folk and I have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them" (Tolkien 13-14). 

I can see Bilbo's point. Adventures are uncomfortable. They take you out of your comfort-zone and make you do things you don't normally do. They can also be disturbing in that you may learn things during an adventure that are difficult to believe or understand about your world or even yourself. And nasty... well they can make you dirty. Tracking mud into the house is always a nasty business. 

But I also don't have JOY sitting here in my nice, warm hobbit-hole of a home. Trust me; I've looked. 

Which leads me to look outside my door and into the green hills and blue skies outside. There will be rain and dirt and cold, sure. But perhaps I will also find what I am looking for. 

And if there's a chance of finding the JOY I am missing, I am willing to leave my own Bag End to go and search for it. 

Join me as I attempt to try things I don't normally try, change my thoughts and approaches to things, and chase after the JOY that my heart and soul have been missing. Hopefully by the end of the year, I will be there and back with JOY in hand and you, dear reader, at my side. 

Jesus and Vampires

As I was reading Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare (a series one of my students has gotten me hooked onto), I came across this quote. At first, it may seem insignificant, something not worth bothering with. But for me, I had a Jesus moment when I scanned it this evening.

The scene Clare is writing about is a den of vampires, "cultured" vampires mind you, that are living in London during the late 1800's. Apparently these vampires enjoy "performances" put on by humans in their "theater" that is hidden below ground behind richly decorated homes. When one of the main characters is asking about the theater, he wants to know where the victims come from.

The part that hit me the most is when Magnus says, "The forgotten and lost. Those who will not be missed."

Forgotten.

Lost.

Those words really struck me tonight, and honestly made me think of Jesus.

I know, I know. Jesus?! In the midst of a vampire lair, you go to Jesus?

Well... yeah.

When I'm surrounded by the enemy, that's all I hear from him. That I am forgotten and forgettable. I am lost and aimlessly wandering. That no one would miss me if anything were to happen to me.

But tonight, Jesus came through and said, "No. Not true."

In Luke 19, Jesus has come to Jericho and passes by Zacchaeus. No one seemed to think much of Zach, and when Jesus says he's going to Zach's house to eat, everybody starts to gossip about it. They are calling Zach names and stuff, accusing him of being a sinner, and looking down on Jesus for wanting to hang out with him.

And when Zach comes clean to Jesus, admits that he's made mistakes but is attempting to make things right, Jesus says, "Today salvation has come to this house, since he is also a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" (Luke 19:9-10).

While the world and the enemy look at me as fresh meat, as meal for gossip, and as someone who is worthless, forgettable, and lost, Jesus sees those things, and comes for me anyways.

He seeks after me.

He wants to save me.

All because I AM lost. All because I have been forgotten. And if He doesn't have me, or you, He will be the One to miss us.

I dunno, Jesus coming to rescue me from a den of bloodthirsty vampires at the end of the nineteenth century? Sounds a little like the gospel, and a lot like His grace.

Because He sought me. Because He found me.

Because He saved me.

Youth Ministry Highlights

So throughout high school and college, I was convinced that God wanted me to be a youth pastor. Once I graduated high school, I spent every summer working with youth so that I could one day become the youth pastor I knew I was meant to be. That's what I thought until I finally became a youth pastor all on my own. I thought I was ready. I thought it was what God wanted.

I was wrong.

My first and only full-time youth pastor job was at a great church, but I couldn't handle the work. The kids were awesome, but I was overwhelmed. I had always worked with other youth pastors when I did youth work. There was always someone to help me, lead me, and guide me. Here, I was alone.

I walked away.

I went into teaching for a couple of years, and then Josh and I were called to the UK. That's another set of blogs for another day...

After the UK, I was done with ministry for awhile. I had nothing left to give. I worked at a preschool and then began teaching again. Even though I knew teaching would entail youth ministry, it was nice to work with kids again, but not be their main spiritual authority. That's a lot of pressure for me. I thought my youth ministry days were behind me.

Until last night.

Last night, Josh and I were able to catch up with Rodney and Jen. I interned with Rodney in New Port Richey, Florida one summer in his youth group. I had a blast with his group of kids and learned a lot about life and ministry. I made some great friends and thought I would never see or talk with them again.

One of the things about youth ministry that can be both good and bad is the fact that most kids don't remember you after you exit their lives. You were fun while you were in it but never made any lasting impact on them. I thought that's how it was in New Port Richey.

I guess I was wrong.

Rodney and Jen were catching me up on all the kids I worked with while I was there. Most of them are married and not kids anymore. First of all, it made me feel old. But then Jen started texting Chris, a guy who could easily be my brother, and he not only remembered me, but said he missed me as much as I've missed him. It was the best feeling I've had in a long while.

It's crazy to me how much people can mean to you even if you didn't get to know them as much as you'd like to have or be with them very long. It reminds me that true community can span both time and distance. True relational connections may be stretched, but some are never broken.

I guess I'll have to make a trip back down to NPR. I can't wait :)

The UK: Life Remembered

Well, Josh has been in the UK for two days now, and I really miss him. It's weird to think of being separated from him by such a vast distance. On the way to the airport on Sunday, we talked about the fact that this is the first time since we've been married that we've been on separate continents. Weird. 

Liz Lemon and I have been all right thus far though. A bit bored, but hey, that's what happens when all I want to do is read Catching Fire, and she wants to doze. 

I knew that I would miss Josh when he left, but I wasn't planning on missing the UK as I do. I miss the people and the streets, the buses and the food, the landscape and the noises. I really miss it all. I truly wish I were by his side right now.

I mean, I spent months before we left wishing I could be back in the States, and here I am longing to return. Am I a glutton for punishment? Or does the UK resemble something I've been chasing for years: a sense of home, a place I belong...